Sage sat in her office, staring blankly at a screen that carried little meaning anymore. She could hear cheering outside her office door, perhaps someone’s birthday. It didn’t matter. Her smart watch buzzed. Sage eagerly checked it, her heart sinking when she found it was junk mail. She wondered how Jeremy was doing since they last talked. Sage was grateful for that phone call, even if it was only for a moment.
“Are we over?” She had asked him.
“I just need some time,” Was his reply. Sage knew she couldn’t ask for much else, not after what she had done. So she left it.
“Are you safe?” She asked.
“I’m in Maine with a friend. I’m fine.” He said. Relief swelled over Sage. That meant he was with Ryan. Good. He needed a friend right now.
“I miss you,” She said.
“I’ll talk to you later.”
That was it. Their last conversation was only a few sentences and it was months ago. Sage didn’t know if Jeremy had moved on or not. She didn’t know if he still thought of her the way she thought of him. She didn’t know if he checked his phone like she checked hers. Waiting for him to reply, waiting for him to say he was ready to see her again.
Waiting. Endless waiting.
Another buzz on her wrist. Sage looked down and sighed with frustration. It was David, always David. He had become relentless ever since she kicked him out of the house and ended things with him the night Jeremy left. She didn’t bother checking the message, she already knew it would be like the countless others he had sent. Telling her how much he missed her, that he deserved a second chance, that Sage needed him. But Sage only felt bitterness towards David. Bitterness that bled together with memories she couldn’t forget.
Of being handled, of being used, of being filled.
Sage bit her lip and shook her head in shame. She was turning over a new leaf; what had happened between them was far in the past, and she would make certain it would stay there. She opened her inbox and attempted to get some work done. The emails piled in, and her office phone began to ring. She shut it off with a long sigh, then quickly threw her laptop into her bag and left her office.
That cursed office.
She couldn’t even look at her desk without remembering how David had ravaged her. Even the front door held memories she wanted to forget. Memories she was all too eager to recall. Her face flushed as she remembered David bending her over… she needed to request an office change. Sage made her way out of the building and into the parking lot. As she unlocked her car door, she looked up and saw Theo parking next to her.
“Can I not get a break…” She muttered under her breath. Theo exited his Porsche and adjusted his suit, Sage did her best to avoid eye contact as she walked past him.
“Hey,” He said.
“Hey,” Sage replied softly, unlocking her SUV and tossing her bag into the passenger seat. Sage could feel Theo’s eyes boring into the back of her skull. She turned and looked at him.
“What?” She asked.
“I don’t know, you tell me. I haven’t heard from you in months. Plus you look exhausted all the time.”
“I’m not exhausted.” Sage snapped back. Theo looked down at Sage’s disheveled outfit.
“You could have fooled me.”
Instinctively. Sage began to adjust her blouse. Theo stared at her for a moment.
“So I take it things aren’t going well with Jeremy?” He asked.
“Did David tell you that?” Sage could feel venom welling in her words, but it didn’t phase Theo.
“I just told you I haven’t heard from him in months.” He replied cooly.
Sage scoffed and fixed her hair. “Goodnight Theo.”
“While you might not believe it, I’m worried about you. Both of you. David hasn’t been himself either. Kind of became a shut-in after you kicked him out.”
“So he told you about that?”
“It was the last thing he told me,” Theo confirmed.
“We all have our trials to face,” Sage said bitterly. Theo nodded and stepped towards her.
“Well, I’m sorry things got weird between you three. You might want to consider doing something to get out of your head. Going straight home won’t do you any good. Maybe get a drink every now and then. Helped me when you and I broke up.” Theo’s calm demeanor was surprising, it piqued Sage’s interest.
“We didn’t break up. We weren’t even a thing,” Sage replied, prodding to see if she could get under his skin. Theo simply laughed.
“Call it whatever you like, it doesn’t really matter to me. The truth is it hurt a lot when it ended. Plain and simple, and I needed to learn to move on. The best thing that helped me was keeping busy and doing things outside of work. For me, that was going to a lot of bars.” The two went silent for a moment, and when it was clear Sage wasn’t going to speak up, Theo adjusted his suit jacket and nodded. “It’s just a friendly suggestion. I hope things work out for you, and I’m sorry you’re going through it.” Theo began walking towards the office building. Sage stared at him for a moment before taking a deep breath.
“Wait,” She said. Theo stopped in his tracks and turned.
“Yeah?”
“What are you doing tonight?” Sage asked.
“What?” Theo’s voice raised an octave. Sage shifted uncomfortably.
“I asked what you are doing tonight?”
“Why are you asking me?” Theo said, his confidence beginning to waver. Sage shook her head and laughed under her breath.
“Because maybe I want to take you up on your suggestion and try to keep busy.”
–
The bar Theo had picked was far from pleasant. But then again, Sage wasn’t sure if she had ever been to a pleasant bar in the suburbs. In fact, nothing seemed that pleasant these days. She swirled the beer in her hand, sitting silently across from Theo who did the same.
“So, things really did go south with Jeremy then.”
“Don’t rub it in my face,” Sage said shortly.
“I’m not. Though I can’t say I’m complaining either.”
“God, Theo.” Sage looked at him with disgust, but her contempt quickly melted when she saw a playful smile form across his face.
“I’m joking, relax,” He said, taking a swig of his beer.
“I’m sure you are,” Sage shot back.
“I’m serious! Obviously I don’t want you two to be miserable. I don’t want anyone to be miserable. And despite what you might think, I really do care about you.”
Sage felt her heart flutter. She fixed her hair and looked down at her watery beer.
“I feel so guilty,” Sage admitted. Theo nodded slowly.
“About what exactly?”
“About how it all ended, about how I hurt Jeremy.”
“That tracks. Still, I’m surprised. I thought you and Jeremy were on the same page.”
“You were there, you know it was more complicated than that. Plus I… I feel bad for how I treated you. How I treated everyone honestly.” Sage shrunk into her seat, glancing up at Theo nervously. He stared with gentle eyes.
“Even David?” Theo asked.
“Well, David can go fuck himself,” Sage shot back. They both laughed for a moment. Theo looked up at the game playing behind Sage.
“Was any of it real?” He asked. Sage glanced at him, he was authentic and vulnerable in that moment. It made answering all the more difficult.
“If you mean the chemistry we had in the bedroom, yes, that was real.”
“That’s not what I’m asking,” Theo said. Sage shook her head.
“The talks we had, that was just for fun…”
“So none of what you said was real?” He asked.
“No, none of it.”
“Oh,” Theo sat back in his chair, downing the rest of his beer in silence. Sage bit her lip.
“I’m so sorry Theo,” Sage said softly. Theo sighed and shrugged his shoulders.
“It’s alright. It’s not like I couldn’t tell. I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that it was all part of the game. But I got lost in it, the fantasy I mean. What I felt for you was unlike anything I’ve experienced before. I really wanted there to be something more between us.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. I got carried away with it myself.”
“I really do like you.”
“I know.”
“But you don’t like me?” Theo caught Sage’s gaze. They stared deeply into one another’s eyes.
“I love Jeremy,” Sage said.
“And you don’t like me, at least not like that,” Theo spoke more to himself than Sage. She paused, her heart racing as she spoke.
“It’s not like there isn’t anything there, Theo. But you need to know that I love Jeremy.”
Theo nodded. “That’s fair.” He gave Sage a gentle smile. “So where does that leave us?”
Sage shrugged. “Wherever you want it to be left, I guess. We can leave it here and never talk again, or we can continue to be friends.” Theo tapped his fingers against his empty glass. Sage already knew what he would ask before he asked it.
“Is there a third option?”
They stared at one another, tension swelling between them. Theo had always been handsome, but this newfound gentle and confident persona made him irresistible.
“There won’t be any games this time,” Sage said softly.
“I’m a fan of that. No lies either?”
“No lies, and that starts with me saying this will only be casual. It will only be temporary. We won’t fall in love, we won’t become a couple. And when… if Jeremy comes back, this would end.”
Theo sighed and sat back. He looked away from Sage, his eyes straining for a moment before he rubbed his hand over his face and shook his head.
“Fine. Everything you’re saying makes sense. Now it’s my turn to be honest. I like you, I always will. These feelings will never go away, and if we keep seeing each other I want to enjoy these feelings for as long as I can.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt again Theo,” Sage countered.
“I will. We both know that. But I’ll take the hurt if it means I get time with you. If we do see each other, I want it to be in a fuller capacity. I want to take you on dates, I want to make memories together.”
“Theo…”
“And when it’s done,” Theo continued, “It’s done. I’ll cry my brains out, I’ll go on a long vacation. But I’ll have my memories with you. We’ll both move on, and that will be that.” Theo’s calm demeanor never left him. Sage squirmed in her chair for a moment.
“I’m thinking,” She said.
“You don’t believe me?” Theo asked. Sage shook her head.
“No, I believe you. I just need to decide if that’s something I can handle,” Sage admitted.
“Fair enough.”
“I’m going to trust your decision, but let’s take it slow on the dating front. Small things like this, nothing too extravagant, and if it starts to overwhelm me, we stop them. Deal?”
“I think I can handle that, as long as it means I get you for a little while longer.” Theo reached for Sage’s hand and squeezed it. Sage squeezed back and smiled.
“Are you sure?” She asked him.
“I’m sure. This could be good for both of us.”
“I think so, too.” Sage smiled and interlocked her fingers with his. It had been so long since she felt the touch of another. “Do you want to head back to my place?”
“Yeah, sure.”