Mel opened the hallway door and saw Noah step out of Rachel’s apartment. She immediately retreated back into the stairwell with a racing heart. She knew what she should do. Turn around, take a lap, and return once he left.
Noah hadn’t been answering any of her texts. It would be mature. Civil. Respectful.
But Rachel had been anything but mature, and Mel knew Noah was ignoring her because of that stupid bitch.
Rachel had probably turned on the tears when she found out what happened. She probably made Noah feel guilty for a stupid fucking kiss, and convinced him that she should keep fucking other men while he watched.
It was disgusting, absolutely disgusting. No, disgusting didn’t begin to cover it. It was narcissistic and evil.
And the last thing Mel was going to do was let Rachel have her cake and eat it too. It wasn’t fair to Mel, and certainly wasn’t fair to Noah. So, with a deep breath, she waited. And as Noah opened the door, she reached for it.
“Oh my god!” She said with a laugh. “Hey, Noah.”
Noah forced a smile as he glanced back at Rachel’s apartment.
“H-hey, Mel,” he said. Mel could feel the tension emanating from him. She did her best to act friendly and casual.
“You seem kinda stressed.” She peeked past him and looked at Rachel’s door. “Is everything…”
“Everything is fine,” Noah said quickly. Mel already knew that wasn’t true. It made her sad to see Noah flustered over something that wasn’t his fault.
“I didn’t make anything weird, did I?” Mel asked. Noah shook his head.
“No, it’s fine. We talked about it and… well, I do think I owe you an apology.”
Mel tilted her head, confused. “What are you talking about? I’m the one who took it too far. I guess I thought, well… considering your situation,” she shrugged, “I guess I thought one little kiss wasn’t a big deal.”
Mel meant every word. Yes, she hated Rachel. But she certainly didn’t want to make Noah’s life a living hell. There was a certain level of guilt, too. He had landed right in the crossfire of her and Rachel’s fighting, and for that, Mel was truly sorry.
Noah glanced nervously back at the door. Mel needed to get him out of this hallway so they could have a real talk.
“I actually forgot something in my car. Do you want to walk and talk?” She asked.
“I don’t know, Mel,” Noah said.
“Hey, I just want to talk, I promise. You haven’t been answering my texts. I mean, I get it. But I just want to clear the air.”
Noah hesitated a moment. “I… I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“So Rachel is mad?” Mel kept her voice as gentle as possible. She wanted Noah to see just how fucked up and hypocritical the situation was. But she knew he was too sweet to turn on Rachel. If she called out Rachel’s bullshit directly, he would make an excuse. He had to come to the conclusion for himself.
“I mean, she’s upset we kissed,” Noah said.
“Yeah, but… and I mean no disrespect, but she… you know,” Mel bobbed her head. “She’s explored things, right?”
“Yeah, I knew about it though,” Noah said.
Mel also knew that wasn’t fully true. She remembered how surprised he was when she said Mike had spent a full day in Rachel’s apartment. And she wouldn’t be surprised if there was more that Rachel was conveniently not telling him.
“Is that really the issue? Are you not allowed to do stuff unless she knows?” Mel was getting agitated, but not at Noah. It felt like Rachel had laid a perfect web of guilt and manipulation for the poor guy.
God, he deserved so much better.
“Well, yeah. I mean, that’s kind of how we make this work…” Noah grimaced and let out a huff. “I’m sorry. This is so not your problem. You shouldn’t be caught up in all this. I know it must look so weird from the outside.”
“It’s fine, really, Noah. I’m just trying to understand,” She looked at him longingly. “If we had asked… would it have been ok?”
Mel already knew the answer to that one. Obviously, it wouldn’t have been. Rachel wasn’t going to let anyone near him with a ten-foot pole. Rachel was moving the goalposts, and she would keep moving them. Mel so desperately wanted Noah to see that.
“Y-yeah, I think so,” Noah said.
Mel’s heart began to race. She hadn’t planned on asking him the question lingering in her mind. Never in a million years did she ever think she’d find herself in a situationship this fucked up. But… when she looked into Noah’s dark eyes… when she remembered his lips. His laugh. His kindness. It felt impossible to stop the words from spilling out of her.
“Should we ask her then?” She said. As the words slipped out, Mel wished she could take them right back. Not because she didn’t mean them, but because with those few words, she had committed her heart to a truth she had been running from.
She was free-falling, and she wasn’t sure if Noah would be there to catch her.
Noah’s eyes widened.
“Like… ask if… You and me?” He pointed between them, shocked.
Mel nodded. “Yep.”
“You want that?” He said softly. He seemed so afraid. Mel could tell Rachel still had control over him even when she was nowhere to be seen.
“I do. Do you?” Mel asked. Noah gulped. He glanced back at the apartment door once more.
“Umm…”
“You just said you could ask, right?” Mel wanted to step towards him, to touch him, to hold him. She wanted him to be single. She wished he were single. This man deserved someone to swoop in and show him what love really looked like. This man deserved an actual, happy, normal relationship. But Mel knew better. If she approached him now, he would run right back into Rachel’s arms. So, as painful as it was, she stood and waited for him to come to her.
“Well, yeah, but… I mean, I don’t know if now is the best time. We’re still patching things up,” He cleared his throat and shook his head.
“Noah,” Mel said. Noah kept his eyes to the floor. “Noah, look at me.”
Noah glanced up at her. His eyes were so beautiful. A chocolate brown. Sweet as sugar.
“Do you want to explore something with me?” She asked again. Noah’s lip tightened, he shook his head, and looked back down at the floor.
“No,” He said.
That one word felt like a thousand daggers in Mel’s heart. It took everything she had to stand stoically.
“Are you sure?”
“Now is not a good time,” Noah said. “I-I’m sorry, I got to go.”
Noah walked past her and down the steps.
“Wait, Noah!”
There was no response.
Mel watched as her heart went with him.
– – –
“So, you won’t be getting into the law program?” Rachel’s father asked sternly. Noah never did like the man, but somehow in the last year, he seemed to have become more imposing than ever.
He was a gaunt-looking figure. With a greying buzzcut and stern expression that never seemed to shift, even when he laughed. Noah remembered going over to their house a few times in his senior year. Rachel’s father was either absent or paid him little attention. Kind of like what he was doing right now.
“Dad, I told you I’m not getting into law.”
“It is a lucrative path. Look at your sister, she’s doing fabulously.”
“Well, I’m not my sister,” Rachel shot back. Rachel’s father, or Mr. Wicker, as he insisted Noah call him, bristled.
“Well, maybe if you learned something from her, I wouldn’t have to constantly worry about you so much.”
“Dad!” Rachel stopped herself as the waitress came by to refill their drinks. Rachel and Noah thanked her while Mr. Wicker stared coldly.
“This is absolutely unacceptable. If you were going to get a throwaway degree, you should have stayed home and taken state classes online,” Mr. Wicker was a cold man. It’s like he couldn’t see how much his words were cutting Rachel down. In one evening, her entire sense of self had evaporated. She had become that quiet, timid girl from Herferd. The one who was too afraid to speak up, only coming alive in the few brief moments she was allowed her freedom. It was torture to watch.
“You know I wanted to go to college… and you know how important this degree is to me,” Rachel said on the verge of tears.
“No, what I know is you’re living in lala land because I have given everything to you on a silver platter. How do you think you got here? Hm? Do you have any idea how many strings I had to pull to get you into Godfrey? But look at you, all you can see is your little pipe dream helping homeless people get more drugs.”
Noah’s fists clenched underneath the table.
“She’s doing a lot more than that,” Noah said, surprised he had managed the words. Mr. Wicker looked over at him with a stone-cold glare.
“With all due respect, Noah, if I wanted advice on how to raise my own daughter, I would have asked for it. So please, enjoy your meal until we’re finished.”
Noah went to speak again, but Rachel touched his leg and, with a grateful smile, shook her head.
Noah smiled back and kept silent.
Mr. Wicker sighed and sat straight before glancing over at the dance going on behind their table.
“Ah, they’ve started the slow dancing. How wonderful,” He said, smiling for the first time that evening. Noah looked over and watched a group of couples get up and begin a waltz. The women wore gowns, and the men wore a period tuxedo that Noah was unfamiliar with. He glanced at Rachel, who seemed just as uncomfortable as he was.
The Meadow Villa was a box that framed a world Noah barely understood. A nod to the untold rules from years past. A snapshot of a time that never really existed except in the elite’s fantasy. Decadence masqueraded as innocence. Hierarchy playfully dressed among the wealthy youth.
“That is what courtship should be,” Mr. Wicker continued. “This stupid woke crap has ruined everything. Absolutely everything.” He shook his head and snapped his fingers at the waiter, signaling for more champagne.
“Do you know how to dance, Noel?” Mr. Wicker asked Noah. He had to believe he got his name wrong on purpose. Noah didn’t bother to correct him. He wouldn’t give the man the satisfaction.
“Uh, no, actually. Well, not like that at least.”
Mr. Wicker grunted as he snatched his champagne glass from the waiter’s tray and waved them off. “That’s a shame. It will be hard to socialize properly if you don’t know a waltz.”
“Dad, how many people waltz? Seriously?”
“Plenty,” Mr. Wicker shot back. “Plenty know, if you actually had been paying attention, I could have introduced you to a few of them.”
Rachel rolled her eyes and returned her gaze to her plate. Picking at it sullenly. Noah tried to get her attention, but she had already retreated into herself. He hadn’t seen her like this in a long time.
“It’s very unfortunate. I was hoping to see you two waltz tonight,” Mr. Wicker said.
Neither Noah nor Rachel responded. Mr. Wicker drank his champagne and brightened when he spotted someone in the crowd.
“Ah, well, we won’t have to worry, the backup is here.” He waved happily. Noah and Rachel both looked back and found Jack approaching them.
“Jesus… dad! Did you really set this up?” Rachel said shortly. Mr. Wicker looked at her like she was an idiot.
“Why the hell would I do that? No, he’s here, I know him, I’m waving. Get over yourself. Jackie boy!” He shouted, standing from the table and walking over to him.
“Mr. Wicker! It’s been too long,” Jack replied, hugging him back.
“Ohhh man, look at you, bud, you’ve really grown up! Are you here with a date?” Mr. Wicker asked.
“No, just myself tonight, actually. I brought my mother.”
“Oh, Laura is here! How wonderful, she always did love these kinds of things. Please, send my regards, won’t you?”
“I will,” Jack peeked over at Rachel and Noah. “Hey guys!”
His friendliness somehow only made the situation worse. Mr. Wicker looked back over to them.
“Oh, so you know Noel as well?” He said.
“Oh yeah! It’s Noah, though,” Jack corrected.
“Is it? Oh, how embarrassing. Well, listen, the waltz is going on, and unfortunately, Noah never took the time to learn to waltz. That leaves Rachel without a partner. Would you mind dancing with her?” Mr. Wicker said.
Rachel glared at him.
“I don’t want to dance dad,” She said coldly. Mr. Wicker stared right back.
“Well, you’re going to , because I want to have a man-to-man chat with Noah here.” He said flatly.
“Dad…”
“You can either dance or go wait on the other side of the bar!” Mr. Wicker snapped. It was a controlled rage. Not enough to be socially repugnant, but enough to send the message.
Rachel looked at Noah, defeated.
“Will you be ok?” She asked.
Noah couldn’t stand seeing her like this.
“We can go,” he said. And he meant it. Rachel shook her head.
“It’s fine, I’ll do one dance and be back.” She looked at Jack, who seemed sympathetic to the situation. He gave Noah an apologetic smile.
“It’ll just be one dance, my man,” he said. Noah gave a nod.
“Fantastic! Go, off you two get.” Mr. Wicker laughed for a moment as he watched the couple walk away. Noah watched too. He always watched when Rachel walked away.
“Something beautiful, isn’t she?” Mr. Wicker said. Noah nodded.
“Yes,” He said.
“I do love her very much. Too much, maybe, I don’t know.” He turned to Noah. “Do you love her?”
Noah stared back. The question was so easy.
“Yes.”
Mr. Wicker nodded. “I believe you.” He looked back at his daughter. “I do.”
Noah waited in silence. The silence, it seemed, was part of Mr. Wicker, and Noah knew he wasn’t done speaking.
“Do you love her enough to do what’s right by her?” He asked.
“What do you mean?” Noah said.
“I mean, doing the hard thing when you need to. Letting go of your own needs to make sure she’s always taken care of.” Mr. Wicker’s volume picked up. He was calm. It wasn’t his anger rising, but power. Once Mr. Wicker went silent, Noah waited a moment.
The silence permitted him to speak.
“Yes,” he said. Mr. Wicker nodded, examining Noah intensely.
“I believe that too.” Mr. Wicker leaned back. “I give credit where credit is due. You don’t look the part of a gentleman, but you are. I can tell.”
The words stabbed at Noah. The last thing he felt like was a gentleman. He nodded all the same.
“Thank you, sir.”
“Uh-huh,” Mr. Wicker leaned back in. “Well, that’s why this next part is going to be some tough love.”
“Tough love, sir?”
“You aren’t her husband, kiddo.”
Now it felt like Mr. Wicker had split Noah wide open. Noah’s breath shallowed, and he began to wonder if Rachel had told her father what he’d done. If that had been the reason for this little visit. It would’ve made sense. Shame stuck to Noah’s lips as he mumbled a response.
“S-sir?”
“You mean well. I can tell.” Mr. Wicker looked back over to Jack and Rachel. They danced slowly in the crowd, surrounded by white pillars, gowns, luxury, and candles. “But I want you to look at her. I mean, really look at her, and tell me she doesn’t deserve the world.”
He was right. Noah knew this. Of course she did. She deserved everything, absolutely everything. And that’s why Mr. Wicker’s following question hurt so much.
“Can you give it to her?” Mr. Wicker asked.
Noah looked away from Rachel as Jack turned her in his arms. It was too painful.
“I can try,” He said.
“Son, I know you would.” He leaned in and softened his voice. “But trying isn’t good enough for my daughter. You have to promise her the world day one. Can you do it?”
He had to have known what Noah did. Or at least, Mr. Wicker must have sensed it. Why else would he be crucifying him now? He was absolutely right. Noah had already failed so many times before. What made him think any of it would change now?
“I can’t,” Noah said, defeated.
“Good man, you can admit it. It means you’re not a child. It means you get it. You would pour your heart and soul into being the right thing for her. You would wear yourself down to bones trying to provide for her. And you wouldn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what she needs,” Mr. Wicker watched as Jack laughed with his daughter. “And that’s why you have to pony up and do the right thing.”
It was as if Mr. Wicker had dove into Noah’s mind and pulled out the very thoughts that had been haunting him for days now. Noah had seen the men at Godfrey. They lived in a world and culture he would never be part of. It had taken every ounce of his ability just to get a scholarship here. And every day, when he passed students who ignored him, when he was dismissed by professors in class, when people would watch in confusion as he and Rachel walked together, he was reminded of a very simple fact.
Noah was a visitor in this world. He would never be part of it.
His mom had been right. As always. She told him he had gotten lucky, and that was all. That he was not much better than his father, and that he would end up just like him. Drunk, divorced, and a loser. She laughed when he showed her the Godfrey letter.
“What are you showing me this for?” She asked him.
“I got in.”
“And?”
She was right. It didn’t matter. Because in the end, he could never be someone like Jack. He was just Noah, and Mr. Wicker could see it.
Noah looked at Rachel, doing his best not to cry. He would never forgive himself if a single tear dropped in front of her father.
“Son, if you really love her. You know what you have to do.”
The music stopped. Rachel and Jack parted. She promptly returned to the table in a hurry.
“How was the dance?” Mr. Wicker said.
“Fine,” Rachel barely acknowledged her father as she promptly sat by Noah’s side. “How was the talk?” She asked him.
Noah couldn’t look in her eyes. She would see it if he did.
“It was fantastic,” Mr. Wicker interjected. “Noah truly is a wonderful young man.”
Rachel looked at her father, shocked. “Really?”
“Oh yes, really.” Mr. Wicker stood slowly and grabbed his suit jacket. His lean frame sank into it. “I truly believe he will do right by you, Rachel.”
Rachel smiled. Her eyes widened and reddened.
“Really, Dad?”
“Yes, really lovely,” He said, opening his arms. Rachel hesitated and then hugged him. “I do love you, you know.”
“I love you too, Dad,” Rachel said.
Noah glanced up.
Rachel had melted into childhood to be held for the first time. And Mr. Wicker held her as if she were the most precious thing in the world.
It was a sight Noah would never forget.
“I won’t keep you, I know it’s not hip to be with parents for too long,” Mr. Wicker said.
Rachel shook her head and smiled.
“Dad…”
“No, I insist. I’ll take care of the bill at the front. Is there anything else you need from me?” Mr. Wicker asked.
“No, we’re alright,” Rachel said.
Her father smiled.
“Alright, sweetie, have a good evening. And pleasure meeting you, Noah,” He said, giving Noah a wave.
Noah waved back. Completely empty.
– – –
Jack watched Rachel scramble back to Noah and her father. He watched till the pain seeped into his chest. Then he turned and walked to his mother. She was grinning ear to ear.
“I saw you two dancing!” She said eagerly, standing and doing a little skip. She meant well, but the words hurt.
“It isn’t like that,” He said.
“Ohhhh hush. I saw that way she looked at you!”
“Mom, she’s taken,” Jack said. It was pleading. He wasn’t sure why. No, that wasn’t true. He knew why. He hoped that, somehow, through her endless words of encouragement, she could change reality. That she could make the one woman he had slowly fallen in love with finally see him.
“Oh, sweetheart,” She pinched his cheek playfully. “If you really want something, you have to fight for it!”
That was his mom. A former model and CEO turned homemaker. She wore every role with honor, and always took what she wanted.
Jack rolled his eyes. “I’m not like that.”
“I’m not saying be evil, we’re not evil people! But don’t give up. Be her friend! Be there, be present. I know you, I can see how you held her.”
“Mom…”
“Hey, just saying! But we can drop it. I think I saw Daniel over there.”
“Yeah, he dropped in.”
“And he didn’t come say hi?” His mother was shocked when Jack shook his head.
“Ugh, typical. Well, are you heading off?”
Jack nodded. “Yeah, I’m tired.”
She looked at him with sympathy and pursed lips.
“Awe sweetheart. Alright, get home safe. Are you coming by next weekend for your cousin’s birthday?”
“I’ll try to make it.”
“No pressure.”
Jack smiled. “I’ll try to make it mom.”
She smiled back. “Alright, darling.”
She hugged him tightly and patted his chest.
“Don’t give up!” She whispered.
He laughed and waved goodbye. He felt a little better, but Jack still took the back doors of Meadow Villa. He didn’t want to see them together. He didn’t want to see Rachel holding Noah’s hand or hear them laugh. But maybe his mom had a point. They were… exploring things after all. Perhaps that meant Rachel wasn’t finding what she was really looking for in Noah.
A glitter of hope found him as he stopped at the cross sign.
“Why were you dancing with her?” A woman asked.
Jack turned to see Mel glaring at him. He froze in place.
“Mel, hey.”
“I asked you a question,” she said bitterly.
He cleared his throat. “It’s not… It’s not what it looks like.”
“You do know she’s cheating on Noah, right?” Mel said.
Jack looked away, rubbing his neck. Shocked, Mel stepped towards him, stopping under a streetlamp.
“You knew?” She asked.
“It’s not a big deal,” Jack said.
“Do you like her?”
Jack was preparing to say no. But Mel read him so easily. In less than a second, she already knew the real answer to that question. She scoffed and narrowed her eyes.
“Jesus fucking Christ! Really?! You won’t return my calls, but you like HER?!”
“Mel…”
“I don’t fucking get it. She’s a cheater, Jack! She’s the girl you fuck at a party and forget about. What the fuck is wrong with all of you?!”
Jack stared blankly. “You finished?”
“You’re fucking pathetic, you know that?” Mel blew past him. “Fucking. Pathetic!”
She stormed off, and Jack waited till she was gone before he moved. God, Mel could be crazy. But maybe she was right. Maybe he was pathetic. She was wrong about Rachel, though. Yes, her relationship with Noah was weird, but Rachel was a diamond in the rough. He would never forget the first day they stumbled into eachother at Godfrey. It had been years since they’d seen eachother. She had gone to Herferd while he had gone to a private school. She took his breath away, and then his heart. He helped her move into her apartment. They explored her vinyl collection together. She had every one of his favorite albums. He remembered the photography book she had made and all the cute little stuffed animals she collected. He remembered laughing with her as they swapped childhood stories.
And, as the months passed, Rachel answered the question Jack had always wondered.
What does real love actually feel like?
He took the long path home. Twisting through the manicured gardens and crossing the wooden bridge before disappearing into the evening.
– – –
Mel stormed home with blinding rage, brushing past fellow students without acknowledging them. She walked aimlessly for a while, hoping her legs could take her anger away. It didn’t. She needed to get home. She needed to calm down. But it felt impossible with HER on her mind.
Rachel. Rachel. Rachel.
Always there, like an infection in her life.
Taking her crush away and manipulating the man she cared about now.
When Mel passed Rachel’s door, she grit her teeth and prayed she wouldn’t hear something.
A loud moan bled through its cracks.
Mel stopped.
Her breath grew shallow. She should just keep walking. Just leave it alone.
She heard the dull slapping of flesh. Then, another moan from a man.
She knew the voice. It was Mike.
She heard Rachel scream. Followed by an array of muffled words.
“Fuck.”
“Oh god.”
“Don’t stop.”
Then another man’s grunt, followed by a slap.
She had two in there. She was fucking two of them, and one was Mike. Mel slowly stepped back. It wasn’t anger or disgust she felt.
It was envy, though she would never admit it to herself. Deep-seated envy so cold that it made Mel’s entire body ache.
She stormed off to her apartment, slammed the door behind her, and pumped her music as loud as it could go before lying on her couch and closing her eyes.
It wasn’t fair. It had never been fair. No matter what Rachel fucking did, they flung themselves at her. She had spent months trying to get Jack’s attention, and after one stupid party game, he was pining for Rachel like the rest of them.
It had always been like this. Mel was always second pick. When she was younger, no one asked her to the dance or to be her valentine. She remembered one summer playing in a field with her friends. A girl called her a stink bag, and the boys quickly joined suit. The more she protested, the more they did it. Until, finally, they ran away, leaving her alone in a field of dandelions. She would pluck them, one by one, and pretend it was a bouquet given to her.
“Oh, thank you very much,” She would say. Holding them tightly to her chest. The white seeds broke off and floated in the wind.
Time went on, she developed, and she was beautiful. But not in the right way. Her legs were too thick, her muscles too full. She didn’t wear her hair right, her fashion was always a season late. Her parents were middle-class and simply couldn’t keep up. Neither could she.
And with each year, it remained the same. Mel focused on softball, broke up with her boyfriend, chased Jack around campus, and found herself in Godfrey.
Stumbling right into Rachel. Who only needed to breathe for everyone to worship her. All the while taking for granted the man who actually loved her.
Noah.
All he wanted was to be loved, really loved. And Rachel used him to fill her ego.
Mel snapped. She grabbed her phone and searched through all of Rachel’s socials. She dug for hours, trying to find anything to bury her. It wouldn’t be enough to spread rumors. She was already doing that. And if she did it too much, she would come off looking like a vindictive bitch.
She needed something else.
That’s when she landed on it. A schoolbook picture from the previous year. A picture of Noah.
He was with another woman. She scoured through his profiles next. Smiling when she saw the photos of him in science class. Or dressing up as a robot with his friends for a convention. Of course, he would love something like that.
And then, she found it. A picture of him and that same woman. They were at a basketball game together. She was in a cheer outfit, and he was leaning over the bleachers, giving the peace sign. Noah had tagged her in it.
You really are the best @allison!!!
She clicked on Allison’s profile, curious to see where it led. Partly for information, but mostly because she wanted to see who this woman was before Rachel was, and why Noah had been with her.
“No way…” Mel said softly.
There, near the top of Allison’s feed, was a picture of her at Godfrey’s playoff game.
Wearing a Godfrey jersey.
Mel promptly sent Allison a DM.
Mel: Heyyyy! Idk if we know each other formally, but I heard about you through the grapevine! Love the pic, so cute girlie. Want to grab coffee sometime?
It was a longshot, but it was something. She had to know. She had to know what caught Noah’s eye. Because she wasn’t going to give up yet, she wasn’t going to let Rachel win.
Mel kept the music loud.
She hoped it would keep Rachel up all night.