“All Jack said was I look pretty,” Rachel said as she inspected herself in her oversized vanity mirror.
“I don’t know… You didn’t get a weird vibe from it?” Noah asked. Rachel looked back at him and shrugged.
“It was just a comment,” She said, adjusting her black up bra before running her fingers through her blonde, wavy hair.
“I don’t know, I’m not sure I trust the guy,” Noah said. He was sprawled across Rachel’s king-sized bed, scrolling lazily through his phone as the setting sun streamed through the large bay windows.
Noah never could get over how nice Rachel’s apartment was. It blew his shared dorm room out of the water. For a college student, she lived a very different life from most students. Even at a place as prestigious and wealthy as Godfrey.
“I think you’re being unfair. His jokes might not always land, but he’s a good guy.” Rachel puckered her lips and fixed her makeup. Noah glanced at her reflection in the mirror, heart skipping as he found her blue eyes.
Her beauty never ceased to stun him.
“I don’t know, I think you’re too trusting. He’s dropping those ‘little comments’ because he likes you,” Noah replied.
Rachel looked back at Noah.
“He does not!” She said.
“Yes, he does,” Noah replied humoursly. Rachel laughed.
“Ok, well maybe a little. But I think you’re being too suspicious, as always. His friend group has been so welcoming to us. And you have to admit, it’s made freshman year a lot easier.” Rachel walked over to the pile of clothes pouring out of her double-wide closet and began sorting through it. “God, it’s impossible to find anything in this small closet… Is my dress on the bed, babe?”
“I thought you said you were going to give away some clothes to make space,” Noah teased.
Rachel glanced up at him with a deadpan expression.
“I did! This is only about a fourth of what I had,” Rachel said.
Noah laughed as she sat up and glanced around the bed.
“I guess you haven’t gotten used to living like us common folk yet.”
“Stop! I’m not that bad, am I?”
“No, you’re fine. I’m just teasing.”
Rachel laughed softly as she tossed a shirt aside. “Do you see the dress anywhere?”
“No dress, sorry,” Noah said. He watched Rachel rummage through her pile of clothing, wearing only her bra and panties.
“Did you actually look?” Rachel asked.
“I did. There’s nothing here, babe.” Noah eyed Rachel as she dropped to her knees and bent down to peek into the closet. Giving him a full view of her backside.
“You know, if you can’t find it, we could always stay home. Jack will have another party. He’s been having one almost every weekend lately,” Noah said.
“Oh yeah? And what would we do instead?” Rachel asked.
“I could think of a few things.” Noah tried to sound seductive, but it fell flat, as usual. Rachel continued searching for a moment, then stood up in excitement.
“Found it!” She said, holding the black, plunging dress up against her chest. It accented her curves beautifully.
“Ah darn,” Noah said. They caught each other’s gaze as Rachel finally registered Noah’s double meaning.
“Ahhhhh, now I see,” She said with a laugh.
“What?!”
“Could think of a few things, huh?”
They laughed together as she swayed her hips playfully and stepped into the dress.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it,” Noah said.
“Uh-huh, sure… well, I guess we’ll have to save those ideas of yours for later,” she said.
And that was the contrast of Rachel. She fit the trope of a beautiful small-town girl. She had grown up rich, and her parents ensured she was well-mannered. But more and more, Noah was realizing there was something wild in her. In truth, there was something wild in them both. Ever since coming to Godfrey, the two had been gradually experimenting with their new freedom. It started innocently enough. They went to a few of Jack’s parties and mingled with his friends. Leaving early to make sure they got to classes on time the next morning.
Then they started staying later. They started drinking more.
Then, they tried edibles for the first time. And then mushrooms.
With every passing week, they grew more confident and bold.
Noah was grateful for the experiences, but it seemed like Rachel lived for them.
It wasn’t until one night in particular that Noah noticed something deeper forming between them. They were at a crowded DJ set, and Noah watched as Rachel danced in the middle of the floor. The music was so loud that Noah felt it vibrate through his chest. He had stepped away for a moment to grab a drink. When he turned back around, he saw that Jack had stepped in close to dance with Rachel.
Tall, dark, handsome Jack.
Noah remembered Jack looking over at him and mouthing the words.
“Is it cool, bro?”
He couldn’t have known what that question actually meant. But Rachel did. He stared at her a moment, both uncertain what would happen if she went with him.
He smiled nervously and nodded, and so they went.
Because, despite everything, deep down, Noah wanted to see it.
The two began to dance. Bodies pressed together closely as Rachel glanced at Noah with a smile, biting her tongue.
Noah both loved and hated that memory.
“You sure you don’t want to just stay home tonight?” Noah asked weakly.
“Noah, we just got out of Herferd. We have to enjoy these four years while we can.”
“And we won’t have time after that?”
“You know what’s going to happen. We’re going to graduate, find good jobs, settle down, have kids—”
“We’re having kids now?” Noah interjected. Rachel laughed.
“I’m just saying! This is our time to have fun! Not sit at home and watch TV.”
“Well… we wouldn’t be watching TV…” Noah sat up and grabbed Rachel’s waist. She let out a playful yelp as he pulled her onto his lap. Noah leaned in for a kiss, and she pecked him gently back. Excited, Noah went for another, and Rachel promptly placed a finger on his chest and pushed him back.
“Ah ah, I just did my makeup.”
“Aw, man,” Noah said, squeezing her gently.
“After the party. Now, listen to me, mister,” Rachel dragged her finger across Noah’s chest. “You need to learn to take life by the horns. I know there wasn’t much to do in Herferd…”
“And no friends to do them with,” Noah said blandly.
“Yes, but now we’re at an elite college right by the city. We could eat at a different restaurant every night and still not have tried everything this place has to offer. We need to get out as much as possible and experience all we can!”
Noah always did admire Rachel’s positive energy. She was a shooting star, one he always felt he could barely keep up with. Despite her controlling father, she had achieved everything she could in Herferd. She graduated valedictorian, was cheerleading captain, and even ran several volunteer groups outside of school.
And just like in Herferd, she was already flourishing at Godfrey. Noah nodded in agreement.
“No, you’re right. I just… with Jack… especially his finds I…. I don’t know…” Noah stopped as he felt his chest begin to tighten.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Rachel said, gently rubbing his shoulder.
“I guess… I guess a part of me wishes we hadn’t befriended them?” Noah said. Rachel’s eyes widened.
“Wait, you don’t want to be friends with Jack?”
Noah shrugged.
“I mean, maybe?”
“Why?”
Noah couldn’t put his finger on it. It was a gut instinct, something deep inside himself that commanded him to turn and run the other way. But, he could give no answer.
“Noah,” Rachel said, “you can’t keep pushing people out forever. And Jack, he really is a good guy. He’s been nothing but helpful since we moved here.”
“Yeah, I know…”
“He was there for you when you were having car trouble. He was there for me when I was having trouble finding my classes.”
“I know, I know,” Noah closed his eyes and shook his head.
“So what is it?” Rachel wrapped her arms around Noah’s neck.
“He reminds me of Brian.” Noah felt goosebumps rise on his skin. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d said that name out loud.
“Oh…”
“Yeah.”
“Listen, what happened back then. The way Allison—”
“We don’t need to talk about it,” Noah said. He pushed Rachel off his lap as he stood, burying his memories as fast as they resurfaced. His heart thumped in his chest as the walls began to close in around him.
Noah focused on his breathing and clenched his fists tightly. He wasn’t at prom. Allison and Brian weren’t here. That was the past.
Noah took several deep breaths.
“Are you alright?” Rachel asked gently. Noah nodded.
“Y-yeah, that wasn’t as bad as some of the other times,” he said.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought that up,” Rachel said gently.
“It’s fine.” Noah didn’t turn to look at Rachel. He didn’t want to appear any more vulnerable than he felt.
“I guess I’m just shocked,” Rachel said. “I really thought this group was helping you feel at home. Coming to Godfrey was a big step for both of us. It’s a totally different world compared to Herferd, and I’ll be honest, it’s been a hard transfer for me. Having Jack and his friends around has been really helpful. I guess I didn’t realize you weren’t feeling the same…”
“Don’t get wrong. They’ve been decent. It’s just… god, how do I explain it?” Noah turned to Rachel. She looked nervous, eager to help him feel better in any way she could. He hated it when she looked that way. He didn’t want her to think that she needed to take care of him. Allison always did. She made sure to remind him almost every day. He couldn’t let that happen again.
“It’s ok, take your time,” Rachel said with a smile. Her warm voice was a welcome reprieve.
Noah let out a long sigh.
“Leaving Herferd was our chance at starting over. You got your freedom, and I got a chance to start fresh. I guess, part of that for me was also changing myself. I don’t want to be an outsider anymore. I don’t want to be part of something that pushes me out.”
Rachel nodded. “Do you feel like Jack and his friends are doing that?”
“I don’t know. Don’t get me wrong, they’ve been incredibly helpful. But, it’s like my gut is telling me something is off,” Noah said.
Rachel stood and walked over to him.
“What happened to you on prom night…”
“Rachel…”
“Let me finish, please,” Rachel said gently. “What happened was a nightmare. And those ‘friends’ of yours weren’t your friends. I’m not trying to tell you how to feel, but I truly believe we can build a real friendship with these people.” Rachel wrapped her arms around Noah’s waist, hugging him tightly from behind.
“You really believe that?” Noah asked.
“I do.”
“And you don’t think all the name-calling and the jokes about me still being a virgin are a red flag?” Noah asked.
Rachel laughed softly.
“Well, I think they’re just teasing you. Plus, we both know you’re not a virgin.”
Noah turned to face her, and Rachel stood on her toes to meet his lips. They kissed deeply. His anxiety floated away as her sweet, soft lips touched his. He nearly went in for another, but restrained himself this time. Rachel’s fingers slid up and down his arms as she pulled away and gazed deeply into his eyes.
“Can I say something?” She asked.
“Sure.”
“I know making new friends is hard for you. And while it doesn’t have to be with Jack and his group, at some point, you’re going to have to start trusting people again.”
Noah sighed. “I know.”
She squeezed his hands tightly.
“You feeling better?” She asked.
“A little bit.”
“Do you want to cancel tonight?”
Noah shook his head. “No, it’s alright. It’s just a party. Can I ask you something, though?”
“Of course.”
“What do you like about those guys, anyway?”
“Hmmm…” Rachel stepped away and fixed her hair. “I think they’re honestly really fun and nice. I know they can be rough around the edges sometimes. Mike and Ethan, especially. But that roughness feels safe. I guess in a way, they remind me of home. Plus… if I were being honest… I think the parties are a lot of fun!” Rachel shrank away with an embarrassed grin.
Noah laughed. “I should have known.”
“Don’t judge me!”
“I’m not!”
“Jack can throw a good party.”
“Believe me, I know. Plus, if I recall, you didn’t get out to parties too much in Herferd.”
Rachel nodded slowly.
“God, my dad was so strict. My whole time in high school, I never ONCE went to a house party. Ever!”
“Wow, really? I didn’t realize he was that bad.”
“You have no idea.”
“I guess he always did seem a little cold now that I think about it.”
“A little cold is putting it lightly.”
“But he did well for himself,” Noah added. Rachel rolled her eyes.
“Yeah, and he’ll always make sure to remind you about it, too. Dangles it over your head like a carrot.” Rachel mimed holding a carrot high in the air, then walked back to her desk and grabbed her phone.
“I didn’t get to do anything in Herferd,” she continued. “My Dad never let me out of the house, and when he did, I had strict curfews. He installed a tracker on my phone and made me text him every few hours when I was out.”
“Jesus,” Noah said.
“I know! It was like a prison. But now…” Rachel let out a little jump of excitement, “he isn’t around to say no to parties, and I am actually getting a chance to have some fun!”
The excitement in Rachel’s voice was contagious. She was right, this was her moment. It was their moment. Noah couldn’t let the past stop him from having a future.
“Alright, you convinced me,” he said.
Rachel raised an eyebrow. “You don’t sound convinced.”
Noah laughed. “I just have a feeling Jack’s going to make a move on you.”
“They always make moves on me,” Rachel replied. She stared at him a moment. “You know I would never do something like… like she did.”
“I know,” The words caught in Noah’s throat.
“I mean it, Noah,” Rachel said. “I wouldn’t do that.”
“I know,” Noah said again. Then, with a laugh, those fateful words slip out of his mouth. “But I mean… a little fooling around wouldn’t be a deal breaker.”
Noah never knew exactly why he said it, and he would never forget the abrupt look of shock on Rachel’s face.
“Wait, what?”
“I’m sorry, it was a stupid joke I… forget I said anything.”
“That didn’t sound like a joke, Noah,” Rachel said.
Noah laughed uncomfortably.
“I… I guess I’m just saying like, when you and Jack were dancing that other time…”
“Yeah?”
Noah cleared his throat and shrugged. “It was kind of fun.”
Noah and Rachel stared at one another as fire danced between them. When Noah couldn’t take the silence any longer, he spoke.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“Are you being honest?” Rachel asked.
Noah hesitated.
“Yes,” he said softly.
“Then don’t be sorry,” Rachel said. She examined him for a moment. “Can I be honest?”
“Sure.”
“I think it could be fun, too.”
Noah swallowed and nodded.
“Ok,” he said.
“So what does it mean?” She asked.
“I think for now it means we have a party to go to,” Noah said.
Rachel smiled and shook her head.
“Alright, sounds good to me. Come on, we don’t want to be too fashionably late.” Rachel adjusted her dress and grabbed her small handbag before turning to the door. Noah took a deep breath as he followed her into the unknown and a new beginning.